Back in the Middle

The Good Professor headed to work to tie up some loose ends while I headed home and frantically dialed...everyone. My head spun one way and my thoughts the other. Really? He was arriving today? The Folksies (my parents) agreed to drive the next day to meet their newest grandson. I headed home and because I would be having a c-section, I took out all the items in my bag I would not need including various snacks for GP. Then I headed to the ATM for cash and believe it or not, I brought a bag of plastic bags to the grocery store to be recycled. These are things I do before delivering a child: I save the world from plastic bags.

I waited patiently for the GP to head home as we needed to be in the hospital by 1:30. As usually, the GP ran late and from what I was told by some of the women in his department, he was COMMANDED to leave. This is not surprising. Eventually, he meandered his way home and we smooched the cats and dog and off to the hospital we went.

As usual, it was cold in our small midwest city and the wind nearly knocked my pregnant body over but somehow as I pregnant woman I was not the klutzy being I usually was. Perhaps pregnant ballet would have been a good option for me. We stumbled through the admissions process and made our way to labor and delivery. Once there, we were redirected to postpartum where a nurse greeted us with: "I thought you were supposed to be here two hours ago!" Well yeah, we thought we'd catch the matinee before I had a baby surgically removed from my gargantuan belly. I love misunderstandings.

Thoughtfully, my doctor requested a private room for me. This meant I could spread all of my belongings throughout the room just like at home! Yay me! I undressed and put on a gown. The nurse took her clipboard and began to ask a litany of questions about my health, history, and whether Jay beats me. You have to love society these days. Once interrogatories ceased, I had the pleasure of having a urinary catheter inserted into me.

"Don't they do that after I'm numb?!" I pleaded but for some reason I don't recall, she inserted the nasty catheter sans anesthesia. And holy expletives, did that burn. Do not try that at home. Next two different nurses tried to place an IV and finally one had success. Cold fluid poured into my veins and then antibiotics were pushed. I lounged in all my gowned glory wide-eyed and wondering what would happen next.

The nurse reported that we would be going into surgery a bit later than planned due to an emergency c-section. This was the second time I was bumped for an emergency surgery. At age 14 an open heart surgery apparently had priority over my appendectomy. Like the heart is is so much more important than a useless angry organ. Whatever.

Finally, the nurse arrived with the wheelchair. I gingerly walked over and sat for a ride that would soon change my life.

Forever Changed - The Beginning

On a cold day in February, my life forever changed by the Little Professor. The Good Professor (GP) and I walked into the doctor's office ready to discuss my freakishly small pelvis and our seemingly large baby. My doctor performed yet another exam where the concluded my cervix was as closed as Fort Knox. And is that not what every expectant woman wants to hear the day after her due date? My doctor explained to me that our large baby and my v-shaped pelvis did not exactly make for a perfect union. I could wait and see if the Little Professor would ever want to exit his warm soothing chamber. Why would he ever want to leave the warmth of my belly when he would be greeted by harsh winds and snow up one's nether regions? Or, I could schedule a cesarean section to help the Little Professor enter this great, big, cold world.

GP and I already discussed it before this day, weighing the pros and cons. All we knew is that the Little Professor needed to enter this world safely. After a few more minutes of discussion, we concluded that the Little Professor would be delivered via a large incision and not my va-jay-jay. Yikes.

As we waited in the lobby for the delivery to be scheduled, I could feel my foot shake nervously. I kept my hands on my belly feeling the Little Professor's movements and kicks. How I would miss these moments with my little man but I would not trade them for meeting the Little Professor face to face. After what seemed like an eternity, the scheduler called us into a small office.

"Did you have anything to eat this morning?" she asked abruptly.

"Um, yeah. Why? I mean, aren't we doing this tomorrow?" I asked.

"The doctor wants to do it this afternoon and if you hadn't eaten breakfast, we could do it this morning," she told me nonchalantly like, oh yeah, we could have met for tennis this morning HAD YOU NOT BEEN SO VERY PREGNANT.

I sat there stunned as she called the anesthesiologist who told her that my surgery could not be performed until the afternoon. After given instructions about when to show up, we left the office somewhat in a stupor.

We were going to have a baby today.